Happy New Year
January is the month we pledge to clean our bodies, souls, houses and offices, AGAIN.
I sincerely hope each of you enjoyed the holiday season and wish you health, joy, friendship and lots of luck for 2017, well forever actually.
Promise to clean - everything
It’s January of a new year. The detox month. We purge the old and begin new. We pledge to sweat off pounds and pump up muscles, eat a liquid diet, shovel out the paper invasion in our offices and clean out the cobwebs in our brains.
Time to get our ducks in a row
Yes, we are determined to remove all roadblocks in our lives and change all the bad habits we have collected over decades, “In Less Than 30 Days”.
We find instant religion in artichoke drinks, low carb, low fat, no food diets. We worship exercise blasts that "only" require three hours of our day, 1000 calories a day diets or positive thought routines.
Photo Karen Landolt
Magazines, books and more rush to the rescue. Happiness in 5 Minutes a Day, Change your Bad Habits in 6 Weeks and other psychological wonders promise success. You can even take a test or quiz?
Questionable Self-Help Quizes
I do this, sorry to say every January. Have I ever told you how bad I am at taking tests? Honestly, I even fail magazine quizzes.
I progressed to an APP test this year. I found my master. It forces me out of my wishful image into harsh reality – every kilo of them. I can’t hide either; it contacts me through text messages on my phone, emails on my computer and tunes on my iPad. Worse, it flashes my current weight in huge numbers for me and everyone else to see. Oh my goodness, what if the program was hacked by the Russians?
This App ask you horrendous questions. It starts with your age and progresses to your weight. How rude. But I was nothing if not committed. I entered my age, height and present weight (well almost). A week later alarm bells notified me to enter my new weight. Something was flashing red. “WARNING – YOUR WEIGHT IS AT A DANGEROUS LEVEL – PLEASE CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY”. I know I’m not Kate Moss, but dangerous? I double checked my input. I entered my height at 157 cm and my weight at 164 Kilos (100 kilos more – or less). Okay that would be dangerous.
Another Test Failed
I continued on my path to purity and took the “Five Steps to Happiness” Test. I answered all the questions only to find out “You are clinically depressed. Please see a Medical Physician ASAP”. Excuse me! Oh no, I got the rankings backwards - 5 on the Scale equals unhappy, not happy.
This detox is like an enema, the pain starts with the cleansing process and goes on and on and on.
I have developed a new, less painful plan. Instead of overeating and lying around during the holidays, I will use restraint and make good choices and not pack on the pounds in the first place. I'll pretend it is a day like any other and exercise. Wow, I could treat the entire holiday season like any other day. But wait, how could that be a holiday?
Where would the fun be in that?
Now if anybody out there has some healthy, sane suggestions for 2017 , I am open to listening to them. And just maybe acting on them too.
Vicki
Copyright Vicki Gabathuler 2017